Years ago my mother said to me “The best lessons we learn are the one’s you pay for”. Many people think that this is a financial lesson. You purchased that car that turned out to be a lemon or you have buyers remorse over something you purchased. However we need to realize that not all of the lessons are financial. We sometimes pay for lessons in other ways, such as our emotional or relational currency.
We often invest out time, our talent our heart our soul our attention and intention into others. We go into relationships with open and sincere hearts only to be hurt and let down. We go into relationships happy and whole only to leave bruised, battered and bewildered. We question ourselves and at times blame ourselves for what went wrong. We find ourselves on the losing end of what was the thing we most valued.
When you know that you have done all you can and that your intentions were pure and genuine, but the relationship for whatever reason is no longer serving you, it is time to divest. When you divest it is for your own well being. There is nothing wrong with walking away from people, from circumstances and/or situations that no longer serve you. There are times when divestment is necessary because it protects your mental, emotional and spiritual well being. Divesting can also protect you physically if the relationship or situationship has become that toxic.
Know that you do not have to stay in relationships or situations that no longer serve you. It can be difficult at times to break those bonds or ties, but at times it is necessary. Have you ever found yourself in a place that you knew you needed to be out of but found it hard to move away from it? We stay in marriages long after the ‘thrill’ or respect is gone. We stay in relationships where we are degraded and disrespected. We go to jobs faithfully that are killing us literally and slowly. Yet we stay. We remain. We justify the behaviors and the treatment. We even justify our responses, we are in love, it would be too hard to move on, will anyone else love me like they did? I need this job.
While there are some things that you cannot just quit cold turkey, just as when a person decides to divest money, there are times when a plan is necessary. And just like the saying goes “if you fail to plan, you plan to fail”. So what do you do, and most importantly how do you do it?
- Make a plan. If you fail to plan you plan to fail. Sometimes it’s not just as easy as walking away. If walking away is that easy then just do it. But if not make a plan. If you are leaving that job, save some money. Check the balance in your retirement accounts or savings plans you may need that money to live off of after you leave. If you are leaving a bad marriage, check your finances. Can you afford to live on one salary? If you are co-habitating, can you afford to keep the residence without the other income, or do you have to move to a place that you can afford on your own? No matter what the situation or circumstance is Make a plan. If is a breakup, what are you going to do when you get lonely, who can you call? Who will you be accountable to? Make our plan and be ready to stick to the plan.
- Ask for help if needed. Too many of us are afraid to ask for the help we need. Whether it is out of pride, stubbornness or just plain foolishness, get over it and ask for help. If you need a safe, comfortable place to stay while you get back on your feet, ask. If it is for accountability, to have someone to talk you off the ledge in those weak moments, ask. If it is for help moving, ask. If it is simply for moral support and a smile and occasional lunch or dinner, just ask. Help is usually available, we just refuse to ask for it ask for help!
- Be ready and willing to execute. After you plan, and after you ask for the help and assistance you need, do it! Make the change. Divest from anything and anyone who is no longer serving you. Don’t be afraid, be courageous, be strong, be brave! Make your plans known and make your vision your reality. Follow your roadmap to healing and success.
Life meant for you to live and live abundantly. Know when to move, know when to invest yourself and know when to divest. Not everyone deserves your time, attention and love. Not everything or everyone is worthy of you love and/or your time. Don’t pay for unnecessary lessons. Know when to invest and when to divest.