Letting go can be one of the most difficult things you can do in life. Whether it is a romantic relationship or marriage, a friendship, a job or business relationship there are times when you simply need to just let go. The issue with a lot of us is that we often stay on long past the expiration date of the relationship. We do our best to make things work, to see it through, to wait for things to change. This often happens to our disadvantage and often to our detriment. We allow our loyalty, our faith, our hope to cloud our good judgement and paralyze us from making the choices and decisions that we need to make.
Sometimes when we are in love and out feelings get involved it is difficult to let go when things don’t go well. Too often we fail to speak up when we should. We don’t ask for what we need and we often let issues build up. This leads to frustration, anger, arguments and possible break-ups. There comes a time when you have to stop holding on to hope and let go. The things and the people that are meant to be in your life will be there. There are times when we stand in the way of our destiny by wanting things our way. There is a freedom and power in letting go.
My previous relationship was horrible. The relationship started our horribly and I tried to keep things together. Several years ago, my friends used to say that I was very hard on men in relationships, during this relationship I kept hearing that in the back of my head, and so I tried to make things work. Despite knowing very early that this was a bad decision, I tried to stick it out. For over a year. Not only was this person a serial narcissist, this person was emotionally abusive and used every accomplishment I made against me. How can a person be ‘too educated’? How can having multiple degrees be a bad thing (other than the student loans). When that relationship ended, I was relieved and I was shocked at how much weight was released when it was over. It was a real blessing.
I can remember calling my friend and asking, should I feel relived? Shouldn’t I be hurt, upset or miss the relationship? Shouldn’t I miss him? The answer was HELL NO! I felt a freedom that I have never in my life felt before. I knew that there would be no going back, no impromptu hook ups or talks. He tried. It didn’t work. He talked about his mistakes and how he knew what he hard done wrong and how he would change. Lies, Lies, Lies. I was free, I was happy and I felt as if I had come out of a very deep and dark tunnel. I felt as though I hard learned a very valuable lesson and that from that moment forward any romantic relationship I entered would be different for me. I knew that I would be more of an advocate for myself and less of an advocate for the sake of the relationship.
I learned several great lessons. One lesson I learned was that you should
- Trust your Instinct. If you feel a certain way, trust your gut. No matter who or what my say different be true to you and be true to how you feel about the person or situation. Know that you are your own best advocate and your instinct is almost always right.
- Do Not Let Anyone Dull Your Shine. The things you poured your blood, sweat and tears into are your accomplishment, your shine. Just because a person does not or did not achieve the things you did, there is nothing deficient about you. While my ex attempted to use my education against me, I never let that dull my shine. As a matter of fact it pissed me of and made me more determined to keep working hard and keep shining. My success speaks for itself.
- Never enter a relationship for relationships sake. Enter a relationship because you want to. Enter a relationship because you truly enjoy being with the person and you make each other happy. Enter the relationship because it is the right time and the right season in your life to do so. Enter a relationship with a person who accepts and supports you just as you do the same for them. Enter a relationship with someone you can grow with, learn from and love unconditionally. These are the things that will sustain the relationship when times get hard.
Ultimately, love yourself enough to know when to let go. While it may be hard, do not hold on longer that what is necessary or healthy for you. Be comfortable with walking away and be comfortable with knowing that you will be ok. Do not stay to make anyone else happy but yourself. Some people stay in bad or toxic relationships for the partner, for family for the kids, that does not serve you. Know when it is time to let go and let God and in the words of Nike, just do it!
Stay tuned for the next blog on letting go of a job that no longer serves you.
Be Blessed, Be Fabulous
Dr. Sharice is a Relational Trauma Recovery Expert. Dr. Sharice can work with you on working through your Relational Recovery needs. Schedule your complimentary consultation today.