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Spirit of Stuck

Have you ever been in what felt like an eternal holding pattern? Have you been in the place where you felt like you should have been moving forward but you knew that you were not moving and nothing you did to change seemed as if it was enough? Have you had the best plans, greatest ideas and nothing materialized from any of them? Have you ever just felt stagnant or stuck?

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I know that I have dealt with this. 2020 was the prime example of living a year of feeling stuck. I had plans to create content. I had plans to participate in virtual events. I had plans to take on more clients and work smarter and harder on my business and at the end of the day all I really was was stuck.

It could have been the pandemic. It could have been adjusting to the new normal of working from home. Maybe it was the lack of interaction with others. The limited social activity that was forced upon us. Maybe it was the threat of this unseen, unpredictable virus, that was at making people seriously ill and in some cases even killing them. Whatever it was, maybe the combination of all of the reasons, I found myself stuck.

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In the beginning it was ok to roll out of bed, wash my face and brush my teeth and sit in front of the computer for hours in my pajamas, but after a few months that got old. Then I became excited about the ability to shop and and purchase the new craze ‘loungewear’ but then that too grew old. I had no real joy in shopping? I knew then that I was really stuck.

I had to realize that honestly there is nothing wrong with being stuck, it happens to all of us from time to time. Even the best writers, poets, actors, creatives have moments when they just can’t seem to move past their current state. The next plan, the next move, the next shift seems so far away. What happens is that they learn not to stay there and that is what is most important. Understand the situation for what it is but don’t allow yourself to stay there.

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Moving beyond the Spirit of Stuck is possible, but it may not be easy. Here are a few tips to help you move past the Spirit of Stuck:

  1. Be honest about how you feel. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being stuck, however stuck is not a place you want to stay. Be honest about how you feel, where you are and how it is affecting your daily life and overall productivity.
  2. Know that you are not alone. You are not the only person that has felt stuck. Many people experience the Spirit of Stuck. Don’t isolate yourself or feel as if there is something wrong with you simply because you find yourself dealing with the Spirit of Stuck
  3. Ask for help if you need to. Know that this something that you don’t have to deal with on your own. There are many qualified therapist, coaches and organizations available to assist you in moving past this predicament.
  4. Know that the Spirit of Stuck won’t last always. There is light at the end of the tunnel. You don’t have to make your bed where the Spirit of Stuck is. You can move beyond the Spirit of Stuck and get back to being productive, creative, expressive, profitable person that you are.

Here to help you heal,

Featured

New Year New What?

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It seems as if every time the New Year rolls around people go into the frenzy of making resolutions or lifestyle changes or commitments that they follow for the first few days of the year and then by the Dr. King holiday it is back to life as usual. I know I have done that more times than I care to admit, which is why I decided that resolutions were no longer for me. I got off the resolution hamster wheel and decided that there were a few things I could do differently to ensure success in the coming year.

Here are three things that I do now that have served me well and I hope they help you too.

  1.  Throw away the resolutions. Why do we make resolutions? Who started that trend and why have we for generations decided that that was what we needed to do to make lasting or meaningful change in our lives? Statistically resolutions don’t work. Word of the year.jpg
  2. Select a theme or word for the year. Last year my word was Manifestation. I wrote it down I posted it everywhere.  I even made it my screensaver. I made sure that all of my thoughts actions and ideas lined up with what I truly wanted to manifest in my life. Just like Shaft had a theme song, come up with your word for 2020 and make sure that everything you do, focus on or desire is in alignment with your word for the year. Be intentional about how you move and watch you life align with your desire. bulletin-board-3127287_1920
  3. Stay focused. It’s can be difficult to stay on track and keep going. Life happens to all of us, whatever or however life happens, don’t let the distractions keep you from accomplishing your goals for the year. Take a break if you need to, make the necessary adjustments but keep your eyes on the prize and keep your ultimate goal in mind.

If you focus on one word or theme for the year and align everything else in accordance to that word or theme it will be a lot easier to stay the course instead of attempting to track that list of resolutions you made in December.

As a business woman and as a boss it is important to make moves that ultimately set me up for success and not stress me out or make the process any more difficult than it has to be.

Welcome to 2020 a New Year and a New Opportunity to live the life of your wildest dreams and greatest manifestations.

 

Khloe, Tristian and Jordyn oh My!

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You would have to be living under a rock if you follow any type of social media and have not seen the debacle between Khloe Kardashian, Tristian Thompson and Jordyn Woods.  It is a real mess.  However there are some lessons to be learned in the process and words of wisdom for yours truly.

First of all the relationship with Khloe and Tristian has been problematic from its inception. Whatever the situation was between Tristan and his then girlfriend when he met Khloe, the fact of the matter is that he was attached.  My grandmother often said “Be careful how you get a man because the same way you get him can be the way you lose him”.  Well in my opinion Tristian has been trying to lose Khloe for some time.

 

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He was blatantly caught cheating a few days before she gave birth to their child, baby momma number 2 with a cheating scandal during her pregnancy.  He has a pattern and his is consistent.  It seems that not only was there handwriting, there were handprints on the wall.  I feel that he just did not care.  There is a lot to be said for relationships and situationships, without being married.  Khloe, you cannot force a man into a domestic relationship he is not ready for and Tristian is definitely not ready.

Jodryn, the young misguided 21 year old party girl, did what party girls do.  Out and about with the ‘in’ crowd and drinking and having ‘fun’.  Normally, there would be no accountability, no repercussions and no drama had she been with anyone else than a man attached to a Kardashian.

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Now before I go further, don’t get me wrong.  I am in no way defending Jordyn, for so many reasons her choices were wrong, but they were her choices.  We will get to the Red Table Talk in a minute.  Also, I am not bashing Khloe as a matter of fact Khloe was my favorite of the sisters next to Kendall.  Khloe was the one who seemed most grounded to me andI have followed her from the show to her Cocktails with Khloe show to Khloe and Lamar.  I was always team Khloe, even when she decided to give Tristan another change after the whole, ‘cheating while pregnant’ scandal.  I felt for her because I have been cheated on and I know the pain, hurt and heartache that comes with cheating.  I cannot imaging enduring this and having a baby at the same time.  It was awful, but I also have to wonder did she have any remorse when Tristan’s other baby mama was laboring with his firstborn.  You know what they saw about Karma…

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The reality about Tristan is he is what happens when men are irresponsible with their d*&%s.  He is from the camp where a few minutes of satisfaction can result in a lifetime of hurt, he just hasn’t felt the hurt yet.  He is also the product of men who have not learned how to deal with their fame. There are so many more social issues he has and he is not a client so I can’t help him work through all those issues, but I do offer complimentary consultations.

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Now back to Jordyn, I believe her time at the Red Table was sincere and I believe she was telling the truth.  I believe in that moment when she decided to go to the party and stay while being under the influence was a big, big mistake.  And I think she now realizes it.  I think Will, Jada and Gammy, where spot on with their advice and I think that she learned a powerful lesson.  Good that she learned it at 21 some women get to their 40’s and beyond before they learn.  I also think that I took her to really grow in that moment to tell her side of the truth.  I would like to think that this was a blessing in disguise for her.  She doesn’t have to be the Shirley to Kylie’s Laverne anymore. She is a beautiful young lady, a talented model with a portfolio, and that alone can sustain her through this situation.

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The reality is that Tristan is still a hormonal teenager with a grown mans body and a grown mans money.  Khloe is still that little girl looking for her fairytale ending, but who won’t find it until she is able to find True (no pun intended) happiness within herself.  Jordyn, is a young girl learning the consequences of the fast and furious lifestyle and the game that she was not intended to play, without her sponsors permission. Jordyn may also be missing that father figure in her life that can talk to her openly or honestly about what happens when you surround yourself with snakes or men who don’t really give a damn about you.

To the fans, stop taking these peoples lives so personally like they are related to you.  They are not.

The lesson for Khloe here is that when people show you who they are believe them the first time.  For Jordyn and Khloe, you are the first and best example of how people get to treat you and both of you both were treated as disposable cargo by the people who claimed to love you.  Tristan, you need to seek help for your possible sex addiction before you end up with a woman like Lorena Bobbit or better yet end up on an episode of Snapped.

At the end of the day, it is also important to know that you all can heal.  You have to be open to it and ready to do the work to make healing happen.  Khloe, it may be time for you to move on and make sure you have that child support order on file, now before he is traded or hurt and the terms of the contract changes.  Jordyn, stand on your own two feet girl and pull your portfolio together, get you a bomb ass therapist, agent, and PR team and live your best life.

Be Blessed, Be Fabulous,

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When To Let Go Part 2

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I have to be honest and say that I have had some good jobs.  Good government jobs, as my grandmother used to say.  My first real job was as an Immigration Officer with the Federal Government and I also worked in State Government.  Both jobs showed my that there are times when a paycheck just isn’t enough.

Now don’t get me wrong, I am not advocating that you just walk away from a job, not unless you have a 6-7 figure savings or another, better job lined up.  No.  But there are times when a job can be just as detrimental to your health, sanity and well being as anything else.  During my time as an Immigration Officer I developed hypertension, partially due to my weight but also due to the stress that came along with the job.

I enjoyed what I did for a living, the exposure to other cultures and languages and learning about other countries was intriguing.  However the flip side of that was the bureaucratic red tape from our local office as well as the national offices.  After 9/11, there were major changes and the creation of a new department.  There was a lot of going on, and of course the work did not stop.

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After 8 years I decided to leave, no real plan in place just trusting that there would be provisions made and I would not have to move back home with my grandmother.  When I found out how much I would get from unemployment, I was shocked saddened and disappointed and ready to go back to work.  However, my care was paid off and I was able to manage with the little saving I had and my small unemployment check.

Leaving government job 2, I was better prepared.  I saved more, borrowed from my retirement and was in a better place to survive in the interim.  This job was with one of the state hospitals in medical administration.  While this job sort of fell into my lap, it provided me an opportunity to learn something that I knew nothing about (medical administration) and work with some amazing people.

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Both jobs were filled with amazing people co-workers and the people that I met along the journey.  Both jobs provided me with opportunities to do things that I otherwise would not have done.  Both jobs paid well and had excellent benefits.

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But at the end of it all, all of the happiness I enjoyed was temporary.  I was not fulfilled.  I learned that happiness is truly an inside job and that in order to be happy I must first find it within myself.  This was a difficult but necessary journey and I am better for the journey.  Here are just a few lessons I learned:

  1.  Always bet on yourself.  You are sure to win every time.
  2. Don’t be afraid of change.  Embrace it.  The universe will ensure that you are fine.
  3. Do what is right for you.  People will question your choices and your sanity.  As long as you are comfortable with the choices you make it is no one else’s business.
  4. Success does not happen overnight and success looks different depending on your perspective.  When in doubt refer back to #1.

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Until Next Time.

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When to let go

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Romantic Relationships

Letting go can be one of the most difficult things you can do in life.  Whether it is a romantic relationship or marriage, a friendship, a job or business relationship there are times when you simply need to just let go.  The issue with a lot of us is that we often stay on long past the expiration date of the relationship.  We do our best to make things work, to see it through, to wait for things to change.  This often happens to our disadvantage and often to our detriment.  We allow our loyalty, our faith, our hope to cloud our good judgement and paralyze us from making the choices and decisions that we need to make.

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Sometimes when we are in love and out feelings get involved it is difficult to let go when things don’t go well.  Too often we fail to speak up when we should.  We don’t ask for what we need and we often let issues build up.  This leads to frustration, anger, arguments and possible break-ups.  There comes a time when you have to stop holding on to hope and let go.  The things and the people that are meant to be in your life will be there.  There are times when we stand in the way of our destiny by wanting things our way.  There is a freedom and power in letting go.

My previous relationship was horrible.  The relationship started our horribly and I tried to keep things together.  Several years ago, my friends used to say that I was very hard on men in relationships, during this relationship I kept hearing that in the back of my head, and so I tried to make things work.  Despite knowing very early that this was a bad decision, I tried to stick it out. For over a year.  Not only was this person a serial narcissist, this person was emotionally abusive and used every accomplishment I made against me.  How can a person be ‘too educated’?  How can having multiple degrees be a bad thing (other than the student loans).  When that relationship ended, I was relieved and I was shocked at how much weight was released when it was over.  It was a real blessing.

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I can remember calling my friend and asking, should I feel relived?  Shouldn’t I be hurt, upset or miss the relationship?  Shouldn’t I miss him?  The answer was HELL NO!  I felt a freedom that I have never in my life felt before.  I knew that there would be no going back, no impromptu hook ups or talks.  He tried.  It didn’t work.  He talked about his mistakes and how he knew what he hard done wrong and how he would change.  Lies, Lies, Lies.  I was free, I was happy and I felt as if I had come out of a very deep and dark tunnel.  I felt as though I hard learned a very valuable lesson and that from that moment forward any romantic relationship I entered would be different for me.  I knew that I would be more of an advocate for myself and less of an advocate for the sake of the relationship.

I learned several great lessons.  One lesson I learned was that you should

  1.  Trust your Instinct. If you feel a certain way, trust your gut.  No matter who or what my say different be true to you and be true to how you feel about the person or situation.   Know that you are your own best advocate and your instinct is almost always right.
  2. Do Not Let Anyone Dull Your Shine.  The things you poured your blood, sweat and tears into are your accomplishment, your shine.  Just because a person does not or did not achieve the things you did, there is nothing deficient about you.  While my ex attempted to use my education against me, I never let that dull my shine.  As a matter of fact it pissed me of and made me more determined to keep working hard and keep shining.  My success speaks for itself.
  3. Never enter a relationship for relationships sake.  Enter a relationship because you want to.  Enter a relationship because you truly enjoy being with the person and you make each other happy.  Enter the relationship because it is the right time and the right season in your life to do so.  Enter a relationship with a person who accepts and supports you just as you do the same for them.  Enter a relationship with someone you can grow with, learn from and love unconditionally.  These are the things that will sustain the relationship when times get hard.

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Ultimately, love yourself enough to know when to let go.  While it may be hard, do not hold on longer that what is necessary or healthy for you.  Be comfortable with walking away and be comfortable with knowing that you will be ok.  Do not stay to make anyone else happy but yourself.  Some people stay in bad or toxic relationships for the partner, for family for the kids, that does not serve you.  Know when it is time to let go and let God and in the words of Nike, just do it!

Stay tuned for the next blog on letting go of a job that no longer serves you.

 

Be Blessed, Be Fabulous

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Dr. Sharice is a Relational Trauma Recovery Expert.  Dr. Sharice can work with you on working through your Relational Recovery needs. Schedule your complimentary consultation today.

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Run Women’s Conference Chicago

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Recently, I had the pleasure of being a presenter at the Run Women’s Conference in Chicago.  When I say that it was a game changing experience for me.  Believe it.  And while this was my first time attending, it definitely will not be my last.

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The conference, organized by 2016 NAACP African American Woman Influencer, Dr. Cassandra Bradford was a DO NOT MISS EVENT.  Dr. Cassasndra Bradford’s bio checks just about every box for a woman boss.  She is a strategist, philanthropist, visionary, International motivational speaker, coach, counselor and the list goes on.   Having been an entrepreneur and a create you own lane, specialist, Dr. Cassandra organized a conference that was excellent from start to finish.  

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Her website describes the conference as ” an empowerment and motivational conference serving women with a platform that motivates women to carry their vision mentally, physically and spiritually”.  This was absolutely the case on Saturday.  I even attempted to give away tickets for someone else to attend the event and unfortunately those tickets went unused.  Those people who were not in the room missed an opportunity to up level their business and brands and may never have opportunities like that again.

There was a dynamic lineup of speakers, if I do say so myself.  And the day was filled with motivation, inspiration, learning and education.  I left the conference mentally exhausted, in a good way, because I knew that once I was well rested there would be some major changes on the horizon for me.

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I want to thank Dr. Cassandra Bradford, no relation, I think, for the privilege and the opportunity to speak to the attendees on Saturday.  While you missed the conference here in Chicago, the Run Conference is on tour and the next few stops are as follows:

May 5, 2018          St. Louis, MO

May 29, 2018        Los Angeles, CA

June 9, 2018         Huntsville, AL

July 20-21, 2018   Dallas, TX  (Run Mega Conference Weekend)

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If you have the opportunity to experience the conference in one of these cities, get your tickets today.  They are worth the investment in your future.

Be Blessed, Be Fabulous

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Running Out of Steam

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Make sure that when you are working to realize your goals and dreams that you don’t run out of steam.  At the end of last year, I was so busy trying to burst into 2018 with everything in place that I worked and worked and worked only to find myself burnt out and uninspired by the end of the year.  It took everything in me to focus and concentrate and just get the basic things done.  I had nothing left to give and no inspiration or motivation to move forward.

While I am a firm believer that it is vital to relentlessly pursue you dreams and your passion, I do not advocate doing so until you have nothing left to give.  The key to it all is finding balance and being gentle with yourself.  Set goals and deadlines, but don’t burn the candle at both ends.  Know when you need to step back and rest.  Know when to turn off the CPU in your head and recharge.  If you wait until the batter is drained it is so much harder to reset and restart.  Don’t find yourself out of steam.

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Know at the end of the day that it is ok to rest.  Know that if there are one or two things on your to-do list that don’t get done, the world will not end.  Understand that the moments when you stop for a manicure or a lunch with friends are the things that keep you from running out of steam.  Allow yourself some grace to just be out of work mode and find solace in the things that you enjoy, a good movie, a great book, your favorite TV show.  All of these things go a long way in helping you to maintain your steam.

Be Blessed Be Fabulous!

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The Turning Point

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I am certain that may entrepreneurs would say that their journey to entrepreneurship was not always easy.  There were certainly bumps and bruises along the way, and certainly times when quitting and giving up were strong considerations.  As a newbie on this entrepreneurial journey, I have definitely had these feeling and struggle in many cases to stay in the game.  Recently, a coach and business person I admire, Aprille Franks Hunt, stated “success does not happen overnight”.  How right she was about that.

Things have definitely been difficult lately.  I often rely on the quote “Remember why you started” to keep my ground and remind me that I did not sign up for easy, though that would be good, but I signed up to do something big.  I know that I can and will not only help people but change their lives for the better, so I must continue on this journey, no matter how may twists or turns are on the road.

The world knows Oprah from just being Oprah or her famous Oprah Winfrey show.  Being from Chicago, I remember Oprah from originally being the host of AM Chicago, a local morning talk show that was popular here in Chicago, before talk shows became a thing.  I remember Harpo Studios on the near west side of Chicago before she moved on to the Oprah Winfrey Network (OWN).  She worked her way to where she it today and it did not happen instantly or overnight.  It is important to remained focused, keep your goals in mind and know that the turning point is just on the horizon.

The turning point comes first from eliminating negative thinking and reminding yourself of your purpose and why you started on this journey in the first place.  When you know that there is something greater for you to do, do not let anything or anyone take that from you.  Take the bumps and bruised that come with hard work, and jump any hurdle life may through your way.  Through it all know that when you go to bed and wake up with a vision, a goal and a plan you can achieve what you set out to do.

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My word for you today is to be encouraged and to know that you will make it.  Too often we limit our thinking and our conversation by using words such as if, or, maybe, but we have to start saying it will, I do, I am and when.  Once you get clear and change the way you speak about your dreams, your goals and your visions.  Start there and watch how things begin to turn in your favor.

 

Be Blessed!  Be Fabulous

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My Word for 2018

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So every year, I try to come up with a focus for the year.  If you have been following me, you know that I do not do resolutions, I believe in results (Resolutions or Results Masterclass).  Long ago I stopped making resolutions that I failed to remember before January was over and I began to work on creating and moving towards the things that I wanted out of life.  So for the past few years my focus has been finding a word for the year to focus on and making it happen.  This year my word happens to be MANIFESTATION.

Over a year ago I was introduced to the work of Ernest Holmes and his teachings and books have drastically changed my life and my approach to life and business.  Science of the Mind specifically has helped me to structure my year and MANIFESTATION is the word that I found most suited where I am at this time in my life.  In 2018, I plan to MANIFEST everything my heart desires.

Last year, for me, was about transition and planning for the next phase of my life.  It included resignation from my job of over 12 years and the quest to become a full-time entrepreneur.  While the task has definitely not been an easy one, it has definitely been rewarding, it has been a learning experience and it has helped me to embrace the work that I truly want to do in life.

So my question to you is what is your word for the year?  What is it that you want to have in your life in 2018?  What are your wildest dreams and what do you need in order to make them come true?  How can you be reminded daily of what you want to achieve this year.  Be specific.  Be clear.  Be intentional.  Life the life of your dreams this year.

Living the Life of my Dreams!

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Don’t Forget about You

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Recently, I went through a period where I had chronic insomnia and for more than a week was unable to sleep more than 3-4 hours per night.  We all know that sleep is necessary for you mental, physical and emotional health, so ultimately my lack of sleep was affecting ever area of my life.  It took me awhile to figure our why the insomnia was so out of control, I occasionally deal with insomnia, but this was starting to get out of control.  I realize that I needed some rest.

I had to realize that I had been pushing myself, the entrepreneur life is hard.  Up early, late nights, hours in front of the computer or writing, emails, phone calls, webinars, learning, developing content, you name it.  Then there are the life things that you have to do, cook, clean house, run errands, an entire set of different obligations.  You can lose track, you can lose focus and you can lose sleep.

Not only that, when I would get in bed, the thoughts and the ideas kept coming.  I can do this, I should do that, that would be a great workshop idea.  Then there were the worries. I need to make sure that this is paid and that gets paid and did I remember to turn off the kitchen lights. The stream of thoughts were endless.  And again there was no sleep.

Finally I decided that it was time to put my foot down.  Not only did I need some sleep I also needed a day off.  A few weeks ago I decided that I would let Sunday be rest day.  That I would move the writing that I typically reserved for Sundays to throughout the week.  However on Sundays I also cook, deep clean and shampoo my hair, so much for rest on Sunday.  I was attempting to schedule minimal work for the last two weeks of the year.  It was going to be my ‘vacation’, but the way my lack of sleep was set up I realized if I didn’t do something immediately, there would be serious consequences.

So during the week I took a day where I just sat on the couch, watched some TV, read a little, just allowed my body, soul and spirit to relax.  And it felt good.  I realized that in my haste to build and grow my business and my brand, I was starting to neglect myself.  I was starting to neglect the thing that meant the most to me.  ME.  I even ordered take-out and just sat and did not think about work.  I have to add that I did check a few emails.  However, other than that it was essentially a ME day and I do not apologize for it.

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After just spending some time recharging, I was about to go to bed that night and really get some sleep.  I slept more than 4 hours, I didn’t have to fight my trail of thoughts and I slept restfully and peacefully.  I cured my chronic insomnia and honestly, I felt much better, more energized and I was even able to put some coherent thoughts together.

I had to remind myself that rest is important.  We can’t use our cell phones forever without ever recharging the battery.  We can’t use our minds and bodies without recharging them either.  It is vital to remember that no matter what we do or how important we think the next project or proposal is we still need to rest.  Rest allows us to present a better version of ourselves and our work.

So I just want to remind you to make sure to take some time for you.  Don’t let business or the pursuit of your dreams interfere with your ability to rest.  Rest is important and serves as an opportunity for your to recharge and an opportunity to provide a fresh perspective.  There is no value in overworking yourself, as a matter of fact, that often leads to sickness and ill health.  Take control of your health and well being today.  Get some rest.  Don’t forget about you.